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The three core “tenants” of Relational Life Therapy

I believe there are three core “tenants” of Relational Life Therapy. Everything else we discuss are skills that are used to work towards these tenants.


The tenants are the following, in no particular order:

*Living a Non-Violent Life: this means non-violence in multiple areas. The most recognizable one is between people. Is every interaction I have with someone coming from a place of non-violence? This also means between my ears. And “between my ears” means both how I think about others and how I speak to/of myself. Picture road-rage. I know it’s hard, and road-rage is definitely not non-violence. Some of us also berate ourselves. “I’m so disorganized, why can’t I keep my house clean? What’s wrong with me? I fail every test, I’m such a failure.” Let’s pause and catch ourselves when thinking so negatively.

*Full Respect Living: this is very similar to living non-violently. Is every interaction I have coming from a place of respecting both myself and the other person?

*Choice: we get to choose our thoughts and behaviors in every area of our lives. I think this one is actually my favorite. We can behave differently in different situations. Get out of auto-pilot. Think about your interactions. Let’s say you’re a “high-powered lawyer” and you’re going to tell me “Vickey, you don’t understand. I have to kill it in the court-room.” My answer is “Do so. Go to work and kill it. Just know that you can *choose* to act differently at home.”


When we put all of these into practice, change happens. And it’s beautiful.

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